Original Air Date: Oct 31, 2012
Wyner C – Senior Reviewer
The family is together for a yard sale at Jay’s house, much to Jay’s discontent – he doesn’t like strangers walking around his property. He’s doing this for Manny and Luke – UNICEF needs donations and the class with the most $$ gets a pizza party. American altruism at work – you donate to get benefits for yourself (teaching our tax system to the young).
Phil is deathly afraid of motorcycles but to look manly, agrees to take Jay’s bike for a test drive. He freaks out but slowly begins to feel the freedom – until he stops atop a hill. Phil falls and is pinned down by the bike. He starts a phone video diary of his half hour ordeal ending with him pulling out a pocket knife to cut off his…pants. Wish he had his shants.
Cam is donating his fat jeans after losing 25lbs but Mitchell is secretly trying to keep them. Why? Because every time Cam loses weight, he throws out his fat jeans and has to buy new ones after he gains it all back. Cam tells Mitchell he doesn’t want the safety net and Mitchell understands. I understand too but I’m not rich – I keep my fat pants in the back of my closet, hidden, ready to see the world if I ever eat one too many donuts (which is once every five years – it’s a vicious cycle).
Claire is having problems with Alex’s new boyfriend. He’s not a drug addict or a dope like Dylan – he’s gay. Cam and Mitchell agrees with Claire’s assessment. Claire has Cam talk to Alex, who adult-ly asks her boyfriend if he’s gay. Boyfriend denies and freaks out. Dude is in denial but at that age, it’s understandable. Claire just doesn’t want to see her daughter hurt. Too bad Alex and her boyfriend make up. Poor Alex.
A secret suitcase belonging to Gloria is found by Manny. Luke and Manny covertly opens it to find…a puppet (no drugs?). Gloria admits to being in a beauty contest and her talent was being a ventriloquist. Unfortunately, she froze and humiliated, never wants to see her puppet again. By the way, she won anyway because she’s just that awesomely gorgeous.
Being the evil mastermind, Luke suckers Gloria into performing by playing to Gloria’s maternal instincts. His motive is simple: he wants to see a puppet show! At the end of the day, the family sits around watching Gloria perform…then Jay walks out. Guess what? Jay looks exactly like Gloria’s puppet…she married her puppet!
Favorite moments/Things to ponder:
1. Pants vs Shants (pants that zip off and turn into shorts)
2. Was Phil’s Street Strider really that nerdy? I think it’s a great idea! But it’s coming from someone who doesn’t know how to ride a bike. I’ve just lost all credibility….
3. Alex is fluent in Elfish. I want to learn – nerdy men are hot.
4. Jay should not be in customer service. Dude was mean to his cheap customers that snoop inside his house…
5. Best quote of the episode:
“I’m just 90% sure he’s 100% gay”
~Clarie, demonstrating her gaydar is working
6. Family moment of the episode:
They all sit around watching Gloria’s performance – supporting her. They laughed at her jokes. I would laugh too but I didn’t really understand her and I kept looking at her mouth move – if that was her talent, I’m glad she married rich.
7. Best exchange of the episode:
Random yard sale customer: You selling the potbelly pig?
Jay: Get out of my driveway. You’re not a pig, you’re daddy’s little girl
~Jay, reassuring Stella she’s an adorable dog ‘cause she’s the best…[baby voice] yes she is…who’s the best?
The episode was okay but the ending rocked!! Do you have fat pants hidden somewhere? Do you own a pair of Shanks? Didn’t Phil’s “127 Hour”-esque video make you laugh? Dude was pinned for an hour at best – he’s such a drama king. Luke: evil mastermind or emotional hostage savant? Discuss away!!!